Self improvement

I've been thinking recently about why Kenta and I have started this routine -- twice a week, take a free hour we don't really have, run to the top of East Rock, and meditate.  By the way, my roommate Guillaume came along last time and showed us a great route that takes a wooden trail there instead of streets...we're excited to use it in the future.


Anyway, for me, the objective is to break free of something, some atmosphere that permeates the inside of the Yale bubble.  Not that it's a bad atmosphere -- I love it inside the bubble -- but sometimes you just need some fresh air.  And I think it's the atmosphere of self-improvement.

I'm addicted to self-improvement.


It isn't even a conscious effort, really.  There's probably hidden motivations -- I want to show off to other people, I want to get approval from society, whatever.  But at its core, the addiction arises out of a simple idea: why wouldn't I want to make myself a better person?


Many Yalies probably have similar personalities, and that's why we're all here, filling our days with self-improving activities.  Doing reading all day to improve our critical thinking skills, jockeying for exec-board positions to improve our "leadership skills" (hopefully the last time I'll ever use those words in a blog post), or being on the soccer team to improve our athletic abilities -- these are all self-improving activities, and I think we're all aware of that fact while we're engaging in them.


A smug satisfaction sits in the back of my head saying, "Hah.  You're getting ahead of all the slackers."


I don't have a problem with this philosophy in itself.  We're only here for four years, and it makes total sense to cram as much personal growth into that time as we possibly can.  But maybe some of us haven't thought enough about what it means to grow.  I know I hadn't until recently.  (And I'm not pretending I know the answer yet either.)


At the least, most of us have realized that studying all day isn't the answer.  There seems to be a culture at Yale of making fun of people who stay in studying 24/7, and I think this is a really healthy thing for the college.  But what we turn to as an alternative is often still in the same general category: "things I could put on a resume".  Not that we're all doing them because we want to put them on our resumes...but they still fit in there.


Later in life, I think, resumes will matter.


These other activities can be really awesome -- I personally love my extracurricular groups -- and I think it totally makes sense to fill up most of our lives with them.


But they're not everything!


What about friendship?
What about happiness?
What about relaxation?
What about empty time (gasp) -- no iCal appointments, no goals, just life?


My professor for one of my classes this year went to Yale in the '80s, and upon walking through the Silliman courtyard at 8pm on a Wednesday night he remarked: "It's so quiet...what happened to this place?"


Anyway, maybe that's what this running routine is.  Something we can't put on a resume.  Sweaty meditation with a beautiful view makes me feel calm and happy, and that's enough.


Or are we just running and meditating and writing this blog to get better at running and meditating and writing...?